Interfaith couple makes marriage work
By
Anne Orgren
Originally
printed in the Saratogian,
September 22, 2001
Roger
and Laura Thompson were married last year in an interfaith
ceremony conducted by Rabbi Laurence Alpern and Corinth
minister David Claydon. Like the wedding, the marriage
has focused on family, and on learning each other's culture
and traditions.
Roger
Thompson was raised as a Methodist in Mount Upton, a small
farming community near Binghamton. A large part of religion
for him has always been the family getting together for
holidays.
Laura
Thompson grew up ''a standard Jew'' in Rockland County
near New York City. The cultural aspect of Judaism is
important to Laura, ''because of my people's history.''
Visitors
to the Thompson home are welcomed by Roger, Laura and
''The Rat Pack:'' Frankie the dog, and the cats Sammy
and Deano. Their interfaith marriage certificate hangs
on the wall, signed by both Rabbi Alpern and the Rev.
David Claydon.
The
Thompsons' love of family shows in the story of their
engagement. On Halloween 1999, Laura and Roger were in
the Berkshires for a weekend with Laura's cousins, an
annual tradition. Laura gave a toast, talking about what
she and Roger had been doing in the past year. As Laura
finished her toast, Roger proposed to Laura in front of
her cousins.
Although
many families of interfaith couples are upset by interfaith
marriages, neither Roger's nor Laura's family had a problem
with the marriage. When they were looking for a rabbi
to perform their wedding ceremony, though, Roger and Laura
ran into resistance. One rabbi said that he did not want
to perform the ceremony because he could lose his pension.
Finally, Roger and Laura were referred to Rabbi Alpern.
Alpern
was a great help to the couple in planning their ceremony.
He connected Roger and Laura to a tent rental company,
and to a caterer with whom the couple are now friends;
he even found a minister to co-officiate the ceremony.
Roger
and Laura were married Sept. 3, 2000, surrounded by a
circle of their friends and family. Their connection with
people was woven throughout the ceremony.
Roger
and Laura made their own chuppa, the cloth under which
a couple stands at a Jewish wedding, using material from
family and friends, including the sleeve from Roger's
mother's wedding dress.
Just
as Roger and Laura's wedding brought together their friends
and families, the ceremony brought together their religions.
Rabbi Alpern and the Rev. Claydon spoke of each religion's
perspective on the different sections of the ceremony;
for example, the symbolism of the ring. Often, the two
different religions reached the same conclusion.
Though
serious, the ceremony was not humorless. After the exchange
of the rings, the Rev. Claydon joked, ''Because you have
been married in two religions, you may kiss the bride
twice.''
Roger
and Laura and their families continue to share and learn
about each other's religions. Laura was touched that her
father-in-law wore a yarmulke at their wedding ceremony.
She has introduced her husband's family to potato latkes.
''One
good thing about (an interfaith marriage),'' says Roger,
''is that we never argue about where to spend the holidays.''
Roger
is interested in Judaism; he attends synagogue with Laura
and says prayers. ''It's fun to speak Hebrew,'' he says.
Laura is interested in Christianity and has gone to church.
The
Thompsons say that they have never had a fight about religion.
Laura says, ''There are many similarities, and we look
for that.'' Roger says that all religions stress being
kind and loving to one another.
'If
people are closed-minded and hold tight to their own religion,''
says Roger, ''that's not what religion is about. Religion
should bring people together, not separate them.
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